Ahhhhhh our tween, adolescence, and young adult years. Our carefree years. Well for some of us. Our skin elasticity is plump and well hydrated, and we are perky with a mystery of innocence. Most youth view life differently and are excited about conquering the world. The attitude is fresh and confident. Now, stop and think for a moment. Our mothers were at one time at this place (some of them).
The skin, hair, bodyweight/shape (meaning healthiness) they experienced too. And then, our mothers had us. May have gained a few pounds. Doesn't feel the same way about her looks - maybe. Her life is now different. She may welcome motherhood, or she may not. Then there’s the natural result of aging, and what comes along with that.
After mothers have babies, they begin to experience changes in body and introspectively.
Why Some Mothers Don't Love Their Daughters. According to this helpful article What Really Helps You Bounce Back After Pregnancy by Hopkinsmedicine.org reminds us that “Motherhood changes you inside and out. After having a baby, your clothing size, breast shape, hip width and even your shoe size might be different.”
Women that regret having children. Women that have struggled with the stigma of having children out of wedlock.
Mothers experiencing body image struggles from birth. Mothers that fear not being able to no longer live her life. May find inmost regret for her own unfilled life dreams. When she sees her daughter(s) lifestyle: her likeable personality, fulfilled dreams, looks, how the daughter handles herself and social life -- she could feel, life has left her behind. We live in an entirely different era – the 21st Century. There is much more freedom for young females than it was in the fifties.
Then there is the transition from childhood to adolescence that brings about significant changes in both girls and their mothers, leading to conflicts and misunderstandings.
According to Internet article Investing in the Health and Well-Being of Young Adults informs us. "Young people partner and parent in different sequences because they have the freedom to do so now that the social stigma of nonmarital childbearing has diminished, and because economic or policy factors make various sequences more appealing and feasible than they used to be (Fussell and Furstenberg, 2005; Lichter et al., 2002; Rindfuss et al., 1987).”
Our twenties are a hybrid of our lingering teenage years.
Young adults that have parents or maternal guidance on mapping educational attainment goals. Or landing a good job that allows them to rise into management – are at a good start.
One of my close friend daughters have grown into a wonderful example of possibilities. Young adult growth and development.
Decades ago, I took her by public transportation to elementary school. Years later, I am updated to what’s going on in her life. She went from graduating high school to her first and only job at a mortgage company. She has been faithful and diligent in her work. Promoted into management positions several times. Now she is the CEO of the company making a six-figure salary.
Amazing! Considering the family hardships. Bad relationship struggles, she witness her mom going through. While raising four children. But, her mother was always there for her emotionally. She later turned out to be the most stable of all her siblings. But it doesn’t stop there. She has reached back and has helped her siblings to land good jobs through referrals. All based on her work ethics and hard work. A person of unquestionable integrity. Respected in her profession.
She has lived a life completely different from her mom and me. She wasn’t sleeping around. Or doing drugs. Determined in getting what she wanted. A family. She wanted a good faithful husband that would work with her and her responsibilities. Someone that has at least a firm grounded belief in God and how to treat people and handle life business. Her first love. They married. Have three beautiful children that they both adore. He... a hands-on dad. Faithful husband. No doubt.
There are many stories of twenty somethings that have stayed on path. But unfortunately -- some of us, have graduated to a life of full-blown partying. Staying out late. Hanging out at bars and getting caught in snares. Brought on by people that cross our path while in the wilderness.
Things that occurred in our childhood follows us. Yet we must make a choice of how it will affect us. I know that in my twenties, I advanced to full-fledged drug abuse with friends. Those house parties that I talked about in other posts. Well, that was my life. I had strong parental abandonment issues. Dry places that I didn’t recognize. I was starting out in life and learned weekends is about partying. There wasn’t a good foundation for a successful adult transition. No self-reflection on what’s next in my development stage.
My goal was to work a job and party on the weekends. Depression was at the core of this mindset. Deep seated fears about my life. That I didn’t know how to change. I remember sitting on the end of my mom’s bed (who was a heavy drinker at that time) as she slept, thinking – what’s going to happen to me. What is my life about? This fear stayed with me for decades about life. I had no idea what to expect. I thank God, so much for His protection. And for His help along the way.
I too have experienced mother and daughter jealousy. It is a pain that hits the core of your being. And I am still dealing with it today. I didn't know how to tap into the creative bent that God gave me. The heart for what the world calls indigent people, wanting to help whatever way that I can.
It took many years later to overcome my life fear. That’s the beauty of aging. Opening ones heart to possibilities. In 2011, I started asking myself – what is my purpose in life? How can I aid in healing broken hearts? As I aged, I discovered that what matter to me now, was – doing meaningful work. God has brought a complete turnaround in my life (I'm sure my mother is happy about that). For the betterment of my life and others placed in my journey. I too have been able to give back to others in so many ways. It is a feeling inexpressible. I came out alive, from drug abuse with few problems. It’s never too late to make a turn around. What could be better than that?
You may be experiencing a similiar relationship with your mother. Feeings of rejection from her. But understand, she is your mother with her own personal issues. If there is no one that can give you the emotional nuturing you need, God says, he can. Psalms 27:10
Be Inspired
Comments