Have you ever tried to help a parent struggling with an addiction? Not just a parent, but, your very own parent.
It's difficult because you’re close to the situation and you don’t know what to do. You’ve pleaded, hid their stash, argued, and have felt like throwing in the towel. You’re ashamed and protective of your parent, all at the same time. It doesn’t stop with you; distant family members are impacted by the parent’s abuse history as well.
Your parent has been addicted to opioids, drugs, or alcohol for some time.
Hope is a thirty something woman with two small children. Her mother, in her late fifties is a substance abuser. Hope wants her mother to see how serious her addiction has been, and how it affects their family. She remembers growing up not having any fun and having to be the mother to her mother at a young age. You could say -- she is loyal to the idea of family. Conversely, Hope herself was a frequent marijuana smoker. She smoked marijuana when she got up in the mornings, and when she got home in the evenings—most days out of the week. Hope recently gave-up using marijuana as her recreational drug.
Hope’s shame of being a single mother and the failed relationships of her different “baby daddy’s” contributed to her psychological pain. Similarly, this was a repeat pattern of Hope’s mother‘s life. She too had gone through several relationships and had children. Though her relationships ended in marriages that never lasted. She soon found herself battling intolerable thoughts of unworthiness. Thoughts that lead her to self-medicate over the years.
Hope had many talks with her mother, but the conversations always ended with Hope feeling ashamed of her own previous lifestyle struggles and motherhood struggles.
Hope’s last weapon of admonition was coming to terms with deciding to clean-up her own personal life, for herself and children. With hopes of this example aiding her in helping her mother to get clean. Hope told her mother that she wanted her to live, and not die. That she didn’t want her to use drugs anymore, and that her children wanted and needed to spend time with their granny that they loved so much.
Her mother is now attending support meetings, going to group counseling sessions, and has six months of sobriety. “Boy, it’s been a long hard road for the both of us, and it’s not over. We’re taking it very slowly and allowing healing to take place,” she said. Hope’s own feelings of shame, and unworthiness kept her from addressing her inner pain prior to her recovery. Her pain overshadowed her from accepting change was possible with hard work, of her and her mother. Once she came to terms with the possibilities for a clean and sober life, courage, and inner strength showed-up, providing her with the hope to say yes -- to life and family.
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